In my best estimate, most mistrust in the workplace follows a predictable pattern:
Step 1: Form a negative assumption about your subordinate or colleague, whether it’s about their behaviour, beliefs, or intentions. Suppose you feel that you cannot rely on the quality of your employee’s work.
Step 2: Adopt self-protective behaviour by giving frequent and unsolicited advice, micromanaging and questioning your employee’s work.
Step 3: The micromanaged employee no longer feels safe to be creatively vulnerable and engages in self-protective behaviour by eliminating any creative initiative or ideas from their work.
Step 4: You have now confirmed that your employee needs constant supervision and that you cannot trust the quality of their work.
Step 5: The employee now creates a negative assumption of you as a micromanaging boss who can’t be trusted…
and the cycle starts all over again.
There are usually three ways this cycle begins:
- You set expectations for a person’s behaviour without communicating them.
- You have prejudices and use stereotypes against the person.
- You make assumptions about a person’s role based on your past experiences.
What is the way out?
- Brene Brown once said that setting boundaries is about choosing momentary discomfort to say no, rather than bitterness. I dare say that trust is often about being open about your expectations. Recognise that no one else is to blame for the disappointment you feel because of unspoken expectations, but yourself.
- Learn to express your requests and expectations in a direct and positive manner. Get into the habit of asking questions to make sure the other person has understood what you mean. Learn to accept “no” and respect the other person’s autonomy and boundaries.
- Develop self-awareness about your biases, prejudices and fears. We all have a history of experiences, but the effort it takes to free yourself from them is worth it given the impact they have on your interactions and relationships.
Sources:
- I first learned about the idea of the cycle of mistrust cycle in: Driving Fear Out of the Workplace: Creating the High-Trust, High-Performance Organisation, in which Kathleen Ryan and Daniel Oestreich describe the mistrust cycle as a form of organisational flu.
- The solutions are based on my experience with non-violent communication.
- And if you’re at this point, you should check out Brene Brown’s talk on her Boundary Ring
