Teams thrive on open communication, collaborative problem solving and productive discussions. Yet many managers ask themselves: “Why is everyone so quiet?” “Where are all the new ideas”?
Your team’s silence isn’t always a sign that they have nothing to say — it can also mean that they’ve learned that it’s not safe or productive to speak up. A big part of the answer lies in how conflict is handled and whether leaders’ actions match their words.
The TKI Framework: A brief overview
One of the most commonly used tools for understanding conflict behavior in team culture is the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI). Conflict is simply defined as a situation in which people’s concerns appear incompatible; it is not inherently negative or destructive.
It identifies five different modes that people use in conflict, based on levels of assertiveness and cooperativeness. According to the TKI, assertiveness is about satisfying one’s own needs, while cooperativeness is about satisfying the needs of others. Each conflict mode has its pros and cons and shapes the way your team interacts, solves problems and ultimately decides whether to speak up or stay silent.
The 5 types of conflict modes — and how they manifest themselves in practice
Competing: High assertiveness, low cooperativeness: “Around here, we shut down disagreement quickly; one person (often the leader’s) gets their way.”
- People are reluctant to share their ideas because they expect to be overridden. Team members learn that it is safest to keep alternative ideas to themselves.
- The most assertive person (often the leader) makes quick decisions, sometimes ignoring the quieter team members.
- Disagreements escalate into win or lose battles.
Collaborating: High assertiveness, high cooperativeness. “Around here, everyone’s perspective matters; we work together to find the best possible solution.”
- Open, respectful dialogue with active listening.
- Focus on mutually beneficial outcomes, even if it takes longer.
- Longer decision-making processes, but more durable solutions.
Compromising: Moderate assertiveness, moderate cooperativeness. “Around here, we meet in the middle; let’s keep things moving.”
- Quick give and take. The team often settles before exploring every idea.
- Everyone is reasonably satisfied, but no one gets everything they want.
- Efficiency is prioritized over perfection.
Avoiding: Low assertiveness, low cooperativeness. “Around here, we don’t touch controversial issues; we let things slide or sort them out later.”
- People postpone tough conversations, leading to tension beneath the surface.
- Meetings appear calm, but critical issues remain unresolved. Conflict often gets passed around or quietly ignored.
- Frustrations build up because real problems are never addressed.
Accommodating: Low assertiveness, high cooperativeness. “Around here, we try to keep the peace and go along with what others want.”
- Individuals usually give up their own positions to maintain harmony. Some people feel taken advantage of if they always give in.
- Actual disagreements rarely come to light; they are smoothed over.
- Innovation can stall because opposing ideas are never fully explored.
The bigger problem: When actions and words don’t match
No matter which conflict mode a leader prefers, the real damage occurs when they say they want one thing but do another. Teams spot these inconsistencies immediately — and learn that it’s not really safe or welcome for them to speak their mind.
This inconsistency undermines trust. Over time, “what we say” versus “what we do” becomes the unwritten rule: “Don’t bother speaking up; this leader doesn’t really mean it.”
Inconsistency #1: The competing leader who demands collaboration
Leader says: “I’m open to disagreement; I want to hear new ideas.”
Leader does: Silences or punishes anyone who disagrees and insists on having the last word.
Result: Team members quickly learn to stay quiet. Disagreeing with the boss is too risky.
Inconsistency #2: The avoiding leader who insists on facing problems head-on
Leader says: “We address problems early and keep everything transparent.”
Leader does: Postpones uncomfortable conversations, avoids difficult topics or passes them on to someone else.
Result: True issues fester beneath the surface. The team realizes that despite the talk of directness, disagreements are off-limits.
Inconsistency #3: The accommodating leader who preaches decisiveness
Leader says: “We don’t compromise on our principles!”
Leader does: Yields to almost any demand from superiors, stakeholders or even team members.
Result: They become cynical when it comes to expressing their opinion and begin to expect the leader to give in.
How to build a conflict-safe, trustworthy team culture
1. Choose the right conflict mode for the situation
Competing can be crucial in a crisis or when a quick decision is needed. Collaborating is ideal for complex problems where the stakes are high and multiple perspectives improve the outcome. Compromising saves time in low stakes disagreements or when quick progress is more important than perfect solutions. Avoiding is sometimes a short-term strategy — especially when a problem is trivial or emotions are running high. Accommodating can preserve relationships in the moment, but don’t overdo it or you’ll nip new ideas in the bud.
2. Be consistent: Match words and actions
When you say, “We want everyone to contribute,” show this by encouraging and rewarding— those who speak up, even if they disagree. When you say, “We address disagreements directly,” address issues promptly and respectfully.
3. Establish clear cultural norms
Let the team know how decisions will be made. Are you seeking consensus, a majority decision or leader-driven decisions? Emphasize shared goals and show how your input affects the end result. Demonstrate that it is safe to express a dissenting opinion —there are no consequences for respectful dissent.
4. Encourage balanced assertiveness
Even if you’re naturally decisive or competitive, show your team that you’re genuinely interested in their input. When someone suggests ideas or raises concerns, listen carefully. Ask clarifying questions instead of rejecting them outright.
5. Encourage transparency and consistency
Keep communication channels open so team knows how and why decisions are made. If you promise to consider a suggestion, circle back with feedback. Inaction or silence sends the message that speaking up doesn’t matter.
Final thought
Leaders who walk their talk by consciously and consistently using every mode of conflict build teams that trust the process, bring diverse viewpoints to the table, and continue to innovate in the face of challenges. When your team sees that you truly welcome their input (and don’t punish them for it), they will speak up with confidence — and your organization will be all the better for it.
